Finding Nemo 2: They Found Him! Oh Noez!
by StupidSequel
Summary: The fish all have to evacuate the ocean because of the BP oil spill, but Nemo is nowhere in sight. In the subplot, Crush's crazy scheme ends with him having psychic powers. This all culminates in an ending that you will hate me for, assuming anyone reads.


**Finding Nemo 2: They found him! Oh Noez!**

In this sequel, Crush sounds like McGuirk from Home Movies. Marlin sounds like Stewie Griffin from Family Guy with a Swedish accent. Dory sounds like Bart Simpson. Everyone else is normal.

Blackness filled the ocean. Goopy, thick, fluid that stank of corporate greed. All the fish in the ocean were panicking. _At times like this, I wish fish had lungs and could live on land, _thought Marlin. As if on cue, Dory swam back to him and told him about a surgeon fish that was performing operations on fish so they could live on land by swapping out their gills for lungs.

"But you'd better hurry before he runs out of lungs to replace your gills with. C'mon." They swam up to the shore and into the little operating den where the surgeon fish waited. He sliced them open and made the ol switcheroo while they lay there in agony.

"Crap. Forgot to put on the anesthetic!" That's better.

Meanwhile, Nemo was swimming hurriedly to the surgeon. The ocean was empty. When he got to where the surgeon fish was, the surgeon fish shook the surgeon fish's head.

"Sorry, kid. We ran out of lungs. Looks like my math was off a little bit. Guess you'll be another casualty of the BP oil spill," the surgeon said sadly. Rather than suffocate in the oil, a net scooped up Nemo. _I'm saved. _He was put on a fishing boat heading for downtown. _Now I'm not so sure, _he thought as he was taken off the boat and into an Asian restaurant.

"It's that BP. Something went wrong while drilling for oil and they caused this huge oil spill," the surgeon fish said in a redneck kind of accent. Marlin, Dory, Crush, and others were safely on land. In fact, all the fish were on land, except... Marlin realized he forgot something, but he couldn't quite put his fin on it.

"WHERE'S NEMO?" he panicked. "I THINK SOMEONE DIVIDED BY ZERO AND CREATED A BLACK HOLE THAT SUCKED HIM INTO IT!" Marlin looked at Dory intently. "I think I'm in loeve with you."

"What?" Dory was confused.

"Oh, sorry. I never learned to pronounce L-O-V-E. That's my dark secret."

"It's pronounced 'Arcadia.'" she said sarcastically.

"Thank you, Dory, the smart one! I think I love you." Marlin pronounced every word in that entire line correctly, thanks to Dory. Dory sighed in annoyance. "Let's get married."

"Okay," Dory agreed. Welp, they did.

They went to an Asian restaurant not because they were hungry. It was because of their honeymoon. Marlin and Dory sat down at a table for two. The waiter with nearly closed eyes came to them.

"Yeah, I'll have the order of trash cans," Marlin guessed. The waiter was puzzled, but he didn't bother to question him.

"I'll also have the order of trash cans," Dory copied.

Three minutes later, the waiter came back with their "trashcans" which was actually sushi rolls, but they didn't know that. Marlin was gulping down his sushi rolls hungrily. One of them was black, white, and orange striped, but he thought nothing of it. _I hope that was no one I knew. _Okay, so he did think something. I'm stupid. He ate the striped sushi roll. _I hope Nemo's okay._

Crush was playing basketball with his homies. He was wearing a jersey and a doo rag. His opposing team scored the winning basket.

"Hey, Crush, you lost the game. That carries double meaning."

"Oh?" Crush tipped his head to one side.

"If you think about 'the game' then you have lost. Since you are thinking about it, then you have lost."

"YOU ASSHOLES! I WISH YOU NEVER TOLD ME!"

"Umm right. We're the assholes. It's just a harmless little game. I mean, it's your choice whether or not to think of it as a game, but it has burned itself into your soul! Hahahaha!" All Crush ever cared about at that point was forgetting about 'the game.' The more he tried not to think about it, the harder it became. He hatched a plan.

On the way to Urban Active, he saw some stacked trees. Try to picture a tree rooted to the top of another tree. Crush didn't think anything of it. He headed into Urban Active and went over to the dumbbell rack. He waited. Eventually some guy with a sleeveless shirt and huge biceps picked up the 50 lb dumbbells and did some hammer curls. He seized the moment and nipped the guy on the leg. He yowled in pain, causing him to drop a 50 lb dumbbell. The dumbbell dropped on Crush's head. Good news? He totally forgot about the game. Bad news? He was dead!

Just kidding! But let's just say he had a splitting headache. If you saw his head right now, you'd see that that would have a literal application as well, for, you see, his head was split in half, from top to bottom. The two halves bobbed up and down in opposite directions as he walked. _Great. Now I have to start my set over! _The guy with the huge biceps thought. How do I know that? Because, you see, Crush had read his mind. Yup. He gained psychic powers. _No way! I have psychic powers now! Friggin sweet! _He crept along the floor of the gym, casting his sixth sense to the random gym patrons. _That lady can outbench me. I should get her phone number. _Another person thought, _I need a spotter. Oh well. Can't hurt to try to achieve my one rep max without a spotter, can it? OW! Gravity sucks now! _

He crawled out of the gym and headed over to the aforementioned Asian restaurant. _I'm starving, _Crush thought. He sat at a table and picked up a few more thoughts. _The hardest thing I ever had to do was catching this clown fish that had a slightly malformed flipper and making it into a sushi roll. We're lucky that this oil spill hasn't hurt business. _So, time for a title drop, I guess?

"Finding Nemo 2: They found him! Oh noez!" Crush yowled. _I know what happened to Nemo now. Gotta tell Marlin. He'll be so heartbroken! It'll be hard, but I gotta do it._

Marlin had gone 77 days with zero sleep, and he wasn't even tired.

"Dory, did I ever tell you that I have ADHD and Asperger's? That's one reason I can't sleep." They were in a fox den.

"Oh my gosh!" Dory said in a preppy cheerleader type way. Just then they heard a moaning noise at the mouth of the fox den. It was Crush. He went through the revolving door at the mouth of the fox den and slammed it shut.

"Marlin, that sushi roll you ate was Nemo. You ate your son," Crush said flatly.

"Dude, Dory and I are newlyweds. That doesn't matter now. Screw my son!"


End file.
